mercy has no rhythm

i m on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

complications - they come to me. i take them. pockets full of 'em that i ve even saved some for my soul, just in case. not at all myself today. though happier and healthier i m filled to the brim with inexplicable guilt. i m dog paddling through the mess in my head. my interior has no fire left anymore. i feel as if i am in a perpetual state of mourning. i’m always the easiest to discard by people. friends that once shone like street lights on a lonely night guiding are now ebbing and slowly dieing.


i m sorry. i ve an exam tomorrow. and i know shit. two days ago i was shit studying day night and now i dont even care bout the bloody exam.

i do well with fleeting moments. constancy is too much for me to wrap my tired arms around. so i ll dwell in the depths of this. alone. but damn me, i m still trying to grasp what has come undone. this is going to be a loongg one. this is a gift for a forgetful blunder. i still ve no regrets.

i love you and i m afraid if i ll ever say this to anyone and really mean it. period.

i need a smoke.