Destiny. Freaking destiny. Fucking me everyday=/

My head is saying "fool, forget him",
my heart is saying "don't let go".
- Hopelessly devoted to you, Olivia newton john.

I smell like cigarettes and sitting in this room as the world turns and rusts. My memories speeding so quickly through my mind (since i went throught my archives today). I stoped for a moment to change the playlist. I stoped to realize that everything would be just fine. Never mind all the worries. Never mind the money i frigging spent on useless stuff. Never mind all the consequences. Not thinking of future pain. Not thinking of destiny or anything beyond that =/. For when you think about it all what truly matters is today.
And if i die tomorrow i pray i will not say why havent i got that.

I wasted today

You kow what, you can tell me, that i need to think for tomorrow but i only know today and tomorrow is too far away. Thinking too much, has made this world a boring place. Saving for tomorrow and wasting every today and when tomorrow comes you will not even know its here because you're too busy putting away for next year. You've wasted everything that you should have done. You wasted all the fun when you where young (somtimes, i think i'm one of 'em, somebody tell me why =S).
I have lived so many years just a moments time so many days with merely a dime. You've been working for many hours now, as i sit here and enjoy my hot cup of tea. Not a care in the world, as long as today i have a great time. But as i think bout this (what i just wrote) i think i'm shit. Ah, well, i dunno.

It seems that the problem is very deep 'cause everytime i try to sleep i have nightmares thinking about getting together with you. No no, i wouldnt say so i would not call it a curse but what worries me the most is when i wake up it might be worse. Much worse. Because i know me and i know how this works. Hmpff.

Oh, and i came across this.

Seriously, fuck what-ifs.