today I do not exist.

listening to heres to the night - eve6



I can't seem to say the right thing to anyone. I hear my voice and it sounds like radio transmitted static. I have always listened to others when they were heart broken. For some reason I am not allowed to feel. Maybe it is my fault. I am always the first one to say "Fuck it, you are better than this." I guess I was being as insensitive and harsh as the world has been on me these past few days. If one more person tells me not to waste my tears I am going to be charged with manslaughter. This is what tears are for. For when your eyes cannot bare to look at the truth anymore. For when your heart is lodged in your throat and you can't silence it's hum anymore.

What am I to do? I cannot just take all my feelings and neatly place them in a box, wait a few years look at each and everyone and laugh at how foolish I was. I don't deal with things like normal people. I don't have coping mechanisms. I don't allow myself to feel so as to avoid things like this. And you, you have hurt me so deeply. So why can't I see it?

Let's just say...anger is most terrorising,
When it reaches a point of total silence.
Silence kills.

I know i sound a lot lamer than my usual self. And in many ways, i'm sorry for myself.

Someone so tough yet so soft
Is hard to come by.

First it was,
we VS world.

Later it was,
we VS them.

Today its,
them VS me.

Nelly ab "team" main aagayee hai, haina?!

P.S, Oh My God! I'm so duhhhh today =S