Sunday, February 20, 2005

anger.expectations.

I feel angry. This burning sensation, the blood rushing in my veins, the mind which is the root of it all generates thoughts which spurs this fury in me and feeds this destructive emotion. Why do i feel angry? Are there any reasons? I don't know, i am not thinking right now. Why? Because i'm angry. Anger destroys reason, and the vice versa is also true. But where does it stems from and where does it go to? In my case it often comes from expectation. Expectations are like the web of a spider. I have drawn this web around myself. It's this imbroglio that is the cause of all anger. I expect something or the other from every person I meet. I spin this web, this expectation towards the other person. It seems like a bridge, like the only way to communicate with a person. But this bridge is weak. It's like a sandcastle on the shore of a beach. I create this sandcastle near the beach and sit beside it looking at the sea thinking that it might be so pleased with having such a beautiful castle on its shore. But the sea doesnot think like me, if it thinks at all. And before I know a wave of salty water comes out of its bounds and takes away with it all that I build, leaving behind some wet sands and anger, great anger.
The every string of this web, this imbrolio is destined to break and every breakage reveals what it has been carrying with it all along. Anger. I "MUST NOT" expect. I "MUST NOT" expect...I might be along my usual lines after an hour or two, after the anger leave my mind alone but till then i must burn and must think or try to think and must find a way for it to never find me again. Gold must burn before it becomes pure and man must burn before he becomes wise...

HOW COULD I EVER BE SO DUMB?!

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