within myself

listening to brain damage by pink floyd

i have been doing nothing more then trying to figure out who i am,it wares on me.i remember when it all started in my head i was very young,everyday tore me a little more till i become something i would have hated a million times over.i got lost in the shuffle of life.spending everyday trying to fit in,maybe be loved,eventually i gave up on all of those wishful things and i locked myself away.i dont even know why it happend or how.i certintly wanted it but i didnt think i could ever be what the world wanted of me i was different.i found love,i found friends and a belonging and honestly once i had what i thought it was i wanted i rejected all of it.stupid right?life sounds so simple for all of you simple people.well to me i cant help but see beneith that shollow judgeing surface that everyone to include me has.i look at people with hollowing gazes seeing that they play off everything like a smoothe rain drop following the path it started.i just cant be that.i see in people everything i see in myself.weakness,loss love hopes dreams.things i would love so much to harness but i am faced with the everyday fears of life.ahhh mother fuckers i just cant fucken understand this world.or why i am so different.i wish i could talk to you - or anyone who would listen,shit i cant even tolerate myself!