i guess after sometime you just have to give in.no matter how much you hate the circumstances you're in.my flame of anger has subsided into this wave of sorrow and defeat.i really don't know what to do now.everything just seems so lost now.i was hoping at least the one i love would understand.it seems that he did,at first.but in the end,it was all some short-lived dream of mine.he doesn't understand after all.i don't think he cares either.

nothing's getting better.ii'm enduring all the pain and nasty treatment being thrown at me,and hiding it all in myself.i can't do anything about it.fuck it.it may seem that i'm having no respect for the elders; but to be honest,the amount of pain and torture i have to endure should be more than enough to replace the disrespect i may have.

i never wanted it to become this way.